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Lose to Win

Growing up, I believed that only losers quit. That is what I was raised to believe. It is what I held onto for much of my childhood and it carried me through my young adulthood. I don’t care how tough or hard things would get I found pride and great joy in being able to boast “Nisha, did not quit.”

I found myself sitting at my office desk with my head down, tears running down my face and barely able to breathe. Chest tight. Mind racing over the 1,000 things on my to-do list all while trying to figure out what was wrong.

I heard a small still voice, my inner me – you know the one that has the direct connection to God, say “You need to quit.” My heart sank because immediately it felt like I had failed. I had to walk away. I couldn’t handle it all. I was devastated. I was fearful of what others would say. Quitting wasn’t in my DNA. It wasn’t an option. Yet, I had to quit. As time passed, the weight began to lift. The joy began to return. I became more effective in the fewer things I committed myself too. I realized that there was an upside to saying “No” more and “Yes” less. I began to win again. I felt more and more like myself and not a machine on autopilot. I had time to really lean into projects and sit in spaces longer. I had more time to tend to those 5 relationships that I listed in my Layered Living Planner as I tended to my LovHer layer. Sistafriend, I have learned that there is no badge of honor for being a ride or die – either we continuously ride never reaching our destination or we die- mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or worst case, physically. Stop walking into spaces and giving so freely of yourself. Loyalty is earned not given. Cancel your commitment to the community boards you’re no longer connected to, leave the family church that leaves you unfulfilled, stop dating the significant other that doesn’t support you, close the doors to the business you started that is secretly bankrupt, breakup with friends that leave you feeling bogged down by their baggage, resign from the job that jades your mental health, stop shying away from the spotlight if you were born to shine, quit talking negatively about your talents and abandon that great idea that no longer aligns with your vision. The day I made the decision to become an intentional and strategic quitter was the day I became free. I realized it was one of the strongest forms of demonstrated self-love. I loved myself enough to know when it was time to call it quits. It’s time.

In the words of Fantasia: "Sometimes you have to lose to win."

- Tanisha Carothers, Co-founder of HerSpace Co.


{LovHer : born to show up}

Have a no-phones-allowed meal with someone in your life. Be fully present.


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